It’s no surprise that these unusual times have brought with them a multitude of problems. Small issues within our day to day lives appear to be magnified, highlighting concerns that we may never have otherwise noticed or even been subjected to. Our relationships are no exception to the problem, as some of our most intimate bonds are put to the test during the trials and tribulations of quarantining with your significant other. That’s why it’s important to think about how you and your significant other can find space away from each other during this uncertain time.
We aren't used to being with our partners all day, and the mystery of what they are doing has disappeared. Being in another room, however, can make you miss your partner. Separate space plays a large role in heightening the mystery of what your partner is doing, thinking, and feeling. In the evening, when you reunite, the desire to solve the mystery builds intimacy and affection. Let’s delve into the ways you and your partner can achieve separate spaces, together.
Schedule ‘Alone’ Time
In all relationships, it’s important to maintain personal hobbies and headspace – now more so than ever. Forbes released an article on the subject, going so far as to suggesting scheduled block hours as designated “solo time” to do as you please and then come back together later on. While a hard and fast schedule isn’t necessarily the answer for everyone, it is important to account for some time to tend to your individual affairs, allowing you to focus on your own work and creating time for personal reflection. However, people need different levels of time with their partner, so it’s important you acknowledge individual differences: while some people crave a great deal of time with their partners, others prioritize independence. You can’t expect your partner to mirror your needs, so be sure to check in with them to learn what they need and create a pace that works for both of you. Balance out your alone time with a decent amount of romantic time together as well, making date days and nights a priority as well.
Work from Different Rooms
If you have the space, try to work from a different room during the day, or at least parts of the day. If you can’t physically separate into separate rooms, you can use headphones or earplugs to create artificial boundaries. It may benefit you to think about your ‘annoying or irritating’ habits (i.e. speaking loudly on the phone, loud tapping on the laptop, etc.) if you aren’t used to working together. Respect space and try to be self-containing. Working to maintain some level of separation during a time you would normally spend apart will give you more to discuss later and help keep “the mystery” alive.
Make Time for Others
Don’t forget to make time to spend with other important people in your life! Couples who quarantine together can easily forget that they have the option for scheduling time to connect with people on the phone, or better yet, visually with FaceTime, Zoom, or Skype. It can act as a buffer between you and the person you spend every second of the day with. Whether you make these calls individually or even as a couple, the time spent with other people can be valuable in adding some conversational variety into the mix.
Even with all of these tips, you can’t expect to have all the answers in a relationship. So, when in doubt, consult a couple’s therapist! I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Maryland and Certified Sex Therapist with over 10 years of experience providing individual and relationship psychotherapy to help individuals and partners develop a better understanding of themselves and others, set personal goals and work toward desired change. For more advice on quarantining together from a certified professional, request a consultation with me today.
Schedule ‘Alone’ Time
In all relationships, it’s important to maintain personal hobbies and headspace – now more so than ever. Forbes released an article on the subject, going so far as to suggesting scheduled block hours as designated “solo time” to do as you please and then come back together later on. While a hard and fast schedule isn’t necessarily the answer for everyone, it is important to account for some time to tend to your individual affairs, allowing you to focus on your own work and creating time for personal reflection. However, people need different levels of time with their partner, so it’s important you acknowledge individual differences: while some people crave a great deal of time with their partners, others prioritize independence. You can’t expect your partner to mirror your needs, so be sure to check in with them to learn what they need and create a pace that works for both of you. Balance out your alone time with a decent amount of romantic time together as well, making date days and nights a priority as well.
Work from Different Rooms
If you have the space, try to work from a different room during the day, or at least parts of the day. If you can’t physically separate into separate rooms, you can use headphones or earplugs to create artificial boundaries. It may benefit you to think about your ‘annoying or irritating’ habits (i.e. speaking loudly on the phone, loud tapping on the laptop, etc.) if you aren’t used to working together. Respect space and try to be self-containing. Working to maintain some level of separation during a time you would normally spend apart will give you more to discuss later and help keep “the mystery” alive.
Make Time for Others
Don’t forget to make time to spend with other important people in your life! Couples who quarantine together can easily forget that they have the option for scheduling time to connect with people on the phone, or better yet, visually with FaceTime, Zoom, or Skype. It can act as a buffer between you and the person you spend every second of the day with. Whether you make these calls individually or even as a couple, the time spent with other people can be valuable in adding some conversational variety into the mix.
Even with all of these tips, you can’t expect to have all the answers in a relationship. So, when in doubt, consult a couple’s therapist! I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Maryland and Certified Sex Therapist with over 10 years of experience providing individual and relationship psychotherapy to help individuals and partners develop a better understanding of themselves and others, set personal goals and work toward desired change. For more advice on quarantining together from a certified professional, request a consultation with me today.
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